Sex 

1. On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
   Woody Allen 1935–  American film director, writer, and actor: in New York Times 1 December 1975
2. That was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
   of sex
   Annie Hall 1977 film: spoken by Woody Allen as Alvy; written by Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman (1941–)
3. Give me chastity and continency—but not yet!
   St Augustine of Hippo ad 354–430 Roman Christian theologian: Confessions (ad 397–8) bk. 8, ch. 7
4. I don't know what I am, darling. I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic. And the others give me either stiff neck or lockjaw.
   Tallulah Bankhead 1903–68 American actress: Lee Israel Miss Tallulah Bankhead (1972)
5. at the age of ninety-seven, Blake was asked at what age the sex drive goes:
   You'll have to ask somebody older than me.
   Eubie Blake 1883–1983 American ragtime pianist: in Ned Sherrin in his Anecdotage (1993)
6. It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses.
   Mrs Patrick Campbell 1865–1940 English actress: Daphne Fielding The Duchess of Jermyn Street (1964) ch. 2
7. The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
   of sex
   Lord Chesterfield 1694–1773 English writer and politician: attributed
8. I have never yet seen anyone whose desire to build up his moral power was as strong as sexual desire.
   Confucius (K'ung Fu-tzu) 551–479 bc Chinese philosopher: Analects ch. 9, v. 17, tr. Wing-Tsit Chan
9. License my roving hands, and let them go,
   Behind, before, above, between, below.
   O my America, my new found land,
   My kingdom, safeliest when with one man manned.
   
    
   John Donne 1572–1631 English poet and divine: Elegies ‘To His Mistress Going to Bed’ (1595)
10. Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
    Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex 1972 film: written by Woody Allen
11. Personally I know nothing about sex because I've always been married.
    Zsa Zsa Gabor 1919–2016 Hungarian-born film actress: in Observer 16 August 1987
12. But did thee feel the earth move?
    Ernest Hemingway 1899–1961 American novelist: For Whom the Bell Tolls (1940) ch. 13
13. When I hear his steps outside my door I lie down on my bed, close my eyes, open my legs, and think of England.
    Lady Hillingdon 1857–1940: diary 1912 (original untraced, perhaps apocryphal); J. Gathorne-Hardy The Rise and Fall of the British Nanny (1972)
14. I'll come no more behind your scenes, David; for the silk stockings and white bosoms of your actresses excite my amorous propensities.
    Samuel Johnson 1709–84 English poet, critic, and lexicographer: James Boswell Life of Samuel Johnson (1791) 1750
15. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is.
    Erica Jong 1942–  American novelist: Fear of Flying (1973) ch. 1
16. The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.
    Alfred Kinsey 1894–1956 American zoologist and sex researcher: in Time 21 January 1966
17. 'Tisn't beauty, so to speak, nor good talk necessarily. It's just It. Some women'll stay in a man's memory if they once walked down a street.
    Rudyard Kipling 1865–1936 English writer and poet: Traffics and Discoveries (1904) ‘Mrs Bathurst’
18. Give a man a free hand and he'll try to put it all over you.
    Klondike Annie 1936 film: written by Mae West
19. Sexual intercourse began
    In nineteen sixty-three
    (Which was rather late for me) —
    Between the end of the Chatterley ban
    And the Beatles' first LP.
    
     
    Philip Larkin 1922–85 English poet: ‘Annus Mirabilis’ (1974)
20. While we think of it, and talk of it
    Let us leave it alone, physically, keep apart.
    For while we have sex in the mind, we truly have none in the body.
    
     
    D. H. Lawrence 1885–1930 English novelist and poet: ‘Leave Sex Alone’ (1929)
21. Sex appeal is 50 per cent what you’ve got and 50 per cent what people think you’ve got.
    Sophia Loren 1934–  Italian actress: in Anniston Star 13 December 1957
22. There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.
    Norman Mailer 1923–2007 American novelist and essayist: in International Herald Tribune 24 January 1992
23. The Duke returned from the wars today and did pleasure me in his top-boots.
    Sarah, Duchess of Marlborough 1660–1744: oral tradition, attributed in various forms
24. Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.
    George Mikes 1912–87 Hungarian-born writer: How to be an Alien (1946)
25. Your wife interested in…photographs? Eh? Know what I mean—photographs? He asked him knowingly…nudge nudge, snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, say no more.
    Monty Python's Flying Circus 1969–74 BBC TV programme, written by Graham Chapman (1941–89), John Cleese (1939–), Terry Gilliam (1940–), Eric Idle (1943–), Terry Jones (1942–), and Michael Palin (1943–): Monty Python's Flying Circus (1969)
26. The orgasm has replaced the Cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfilment.
    Malcolm Muggeridge 1903–90 British journalist: Tread Softly (1966)
27. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.
    Vladimir Nabokov 1899–1977 Russian novelist: Lolita (1955) ch. 1
28. Not tonight, Josephine.
    Napoleon I 1769–1821 French monarch, emperor 1804–15: attributed, but probably apocryphal; the phrase does not appear in contemporary sources, but was current by the early twentieth century
29. Love is two minutes fifty-two seconds of squishing noises.
    Johnny Rotten 1957–  British rock singer: in Daily Mirror, 1983
30. Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive performance?
    William Shakespeare 1564–1616 English dramatist: Henry IV, Part 2 (1597) act 2, sc. 4, l. [283] (Oxford Standard Authors ed.)
31. Someone asked Sophocles, ‘How is your sex-life now? Are you still able to have a woman?’ He replied, ‘Hush, man; most gladly indeed am I rid of it all, as though I had escaped from a mad and savage master.’
    Sophocles c.496–406 bc Greek dramatist: Plato Republic bk. 1, 329b
32. Traditionally, sex has been a very private, secretive activity. Herein perhaps lies its powerful force for uniting people in a strong bond. As we make sex less secretive, we may rob it of its power to hold men and women together.
    Thomas Szasz 1920–2012 Hungarian-born psychiatrist: The Second Sin (1973) ‘Sex’
33. Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
    usually quoted as ‘Is that a pistol in your pocket…’
    Mae West 1892–1980 American film actress: Joseph Weintraub Peel Me a Grape (1975)
34. I'll have what she's having.
    woman to waiter, seeing Sally acting an orgasm
    When Harry Met Sally 1989 film: written by Nora Ephron